Happy Holidays!

The excitement that comes with this time of year comforts me, feeling the warmth no matter where I go. It's times like these that help my views that as a people, we can be unified as one. This time of year gives people a reason to be close, festive and considerate of others. I am no exception. I give my love, blessings and thanks to all who celebrate at this point in the year. Be safe and enjoy yourself.

My Own ABCs - Self advancement

Allow yourself
Believe in something
Corner your fears
Deliver on time
Elude negative people
Fight for love
Gain self respect
Hold your dreams close
Injuries make us stronger
Judge yourself fairly
Kick bad habits
Lead by example
Move forward everyday
Notice the little things
Open your heart
Practice being personable
Quiet the ney-sayers
Remain your # 1 fan
Steal nothing
Temptation can thwart your efforts
Utilize your skills
Vanity can be deadly
Walk with your head up
Xplain yourself to those who will listen
Yesterday is gone
Zip your mouth

"In my book"

I was thinking about that saying, "in my book". Phrases such as "you're good in my book," or, "hes the best in my book." What it did was make me realize how everyone has their own perspective. Every human life and its experiences are lived and processed, therefore being written and recorded much like a book. This realization made me respect the other angle or view in any given situation. Each aspect is as unique as the DNA make-up of a person, and thus much can be learned by considering an alternative viewpoint.

12/12/09

I grab the pen and pad as a solution, as a means to defend myself. But why must I be defended? Is my sense of guilt rectified? Is it justified? If it is, then me writing is a feeble attempt to lighten or dilute God's reasoning. It truly shows how lost I am. My compass is aimless. And without direction or conviction, I feel I'm wasting time; withering away. My everyday is bumpy. I've yet to establish my will as a constant. But true and accurate establishment requires intention, and an idea of who I am and who I want to be. Being mentally ill is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I think back, and sometimes, I wonder exactly how much of my life has been effected by it. Did it cause me and Kayla to split? How have I acted towards my friends? My family? I long for comfort and reassurance. My world is frigid and unpredictable.

To Achieve Your Dreams Remember Your ABCs

I have a poster in my room, and this is what it says.

Avoid negative people, places, things and habits.
Believe in yourself.
Consider things from every angle.
Don't give up and don't give in.
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches.
Give more than you planned to.
Hang on to your dreams.
Ignore those who try to discourage you.
Just do it.
Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.
Love yourself first and most.
Make it happen.
Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.
Open your eyes and see things as they really are.
Practice makes perfect.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit.
Read study and learn about everything important in your life.
Stop procrastinating.
Take control of your own destiny.
Understand yourself in order to better understand others.
Visualize it.
Want it more than anything.
Xcellerate your efforts.
You are unique of all God's creations nothing can replace you.
Zero in on your target and go for it!

12/7/09

The most apparent thing is that I'm flustered. First, I'm a bit perturbed about being on the low end of the economic ladder. I've been a member of this class for all of my life. I don't feel blame, nor do I give any to my mother. She couldn't possibly be the reason for our situation. She's done everything she can to provide me with the most impressionable and openhearted existence. She's everything to me and my struggle to keep moving forward. It's incredibly amazing to me how well she adapts to each problem or obstacle. We live hand to mouth, paycheck to paycheck, and it's been like that for as long as I can remember. And the pressure is something I've grown accustomed to. I guess being thrifty and maintaining a budget will come in handy when it comes to managing my own finances. But what's crazy is that I've been thrown into the jowls of the already failing system. I applied for Social Security Income and got denied. Surprisingly, I was hurt. But my mother reassured me that that's how the process of filing for anything federal seems to go. I was then obligated to file an appeal. The notice of denial actually made me want to leave EastConn and start working full time. But then I realized I need to finish getting my diploma. It's so hard expressing myself while having this large portion of my recent history thwarted by illusions and ideas that would only thrive in science fiction novels. I'm still unsure about how long my mental episodes went on for.One of the hardest things for me is not being able to explain what happened to me. In some respects, I'm lifeless; lacking the ability to remember anything about that section of my life. That's one of the many good reasons my mother is my mother. She's my conservator, which means she's in charge of my finances until I'm sure that I can handle it on my own. For those who don't know, I was diagnosed with a mood and thought disorder. I am living with anxiety and a controlled case of schizophrenia. What I hope is that through all of my struggles, I'm able to find some sense of creative individuality. I want to harvest my uniqueness and use that as a base to live and prosper from. I know I have so many blessings and things that I could share with the world. I only hope that my will and ambition will be in sync for when my stage is set. I lose focus and it get's on my nerves how sloppy my brain gets. Reading and writing should help to sharpen my mind and mental conception.

True Friends

I've heard when a person is around my age (21), this is the time that you realize and find out who your true friends are. If that's the basis for observation, then I've realized that, as sociable as I was in high school, I only have 1 or 2 true friends. It's actually been amazing to see how quickly I've been forgotten or been set aside as an acquaintance. In any case, I intend to not only notice, but take advantage of the friendships that I have, and try to cater to them so that their full potential can be reached. I've been told that friends are hidden treasures.

"I'm proud of you"

Something happened tonight that totally moved me. I was surrounded by cousins, as young as 6 months, and as old as 29ish. My Aunt Sherry was the hostess along with her husband Ron. We spent the entire day jib jabbing and taking turns riling the children. After filling my stomach with some of the best food I've ever eaten, I spent the remaining time letting my protruding tummy digest some of its contents. But as I was making my rounds of "good bye's," Ron, stopped me and took me into a room for a private chat. Him and I had gotten along since the first day we met, and it tickles my fancy when there's an adult that I can fully converse and confide in. He took me by the hand and said "I'm proud of you, I know you've been going through some stuff, and you've been in my prayers." At first it shocked me. But then I realized that the connection we have is genuine. I mean, here's a man who was diagnosed with lung cancer, and my aunt and him aren't sure about how he's going to make it. And he still has the heart to tell me, a young whippersnapper, what he thinks of me. A perfect example of how unselfish he is. I guess it resonated with me because that's something that I would want my father to say to me. And God only knows the next time I'll see him. So, by the grace of God, I believe, Ron, from the bottom of his heart, let me know that my efforts aren't going unnoticed. As I sat in the car with my mother on the ride home. I started to cry. I mean, what he said really sunk, and in some way, I unconsciously needed to hear that. Even though I did shed a few tears, it was so therapeutic to my soul. God bless that man, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks Ron. And I'll be praying for you as well.

Finding One's Purpose.

Everyone who's been born has a journey. The results and findings of that journey, I believe, is up to the person in question. I don't believe in a preordained fate. I believe that the authenticity of a person's life is to yet to be seen. We all leave behind a legacy. A man or woman's existence can enrich human nature. How can one advance in life? Growth can be determined by many things. Progression in self knowledge; addition to one's wisdom; helping those who are in need. Each contributing to the evolution of our existence. But how can a person know what they're meant to do in life? Maybe it's finding a job that you can actually love. Maybe it's finding comfort in volunteer work. In any case, I believe we've all got special skills that come in the form of natural blessings, or abilities we were born with. And the more we learn about ourselves, and the more we practice being who we were born as, the easier it is to see the hand of God in what we do. In saying that, it may be easier for someone to determine what their purpose in life is. I can guarantee that there are as many possibilities of purpose in the world as there are people. I say diversity is the mother of total advancement and common knowledge.

Turkey Day

Are you ready to eat your brains out? I sure am. I always get excited around this time of the year because I love to eat! And every year, I thank God for my metabolism, because I can eat about 3-5 pounds of food and not worry about it sticking to my gut. I think everyone should take time out to focus on what they are thankful for. I'm thankful for my caring family. I'm thankful for those who understand my struggle, and who commend me on my strength and ambition. Every year I'm thankful for inspiration and motivation. What are you thankful for? Who are you thankful for? Make it an obligation to thank God for your blessings and those people in your life that help make the rough times seem smoother. Happy Thanksgiving!

hahaha!

It's been said that laughter is the best medicine. I find that it's both contagious and healthy. After reading a bit on the subject, I found that there are 3 parts of the brain that are activated when having a good laugh. First, there is room for a cognitive area for understanding the joke. Then there is a physical reaction that initiates movement or muscle function. Finally, there is an emotional connection that results in the "giddy" feeling. It's apparent that people search for comedy in an unconscious effort to heal themselves with one of the world's most ancient remedies. Some people may look up comedy on the Internet, or when they shop at the movie store and want to check out a funny movie. I've decided that I'm going to pay a bit more attention to the types of comedy and the frequency of its use. It's intriguing, the fact that everyone has their own view on comedy, and their own preferences when trying to extract a few giggles. Now there's something to investigate!

Common Sense

I figured that I'd rather miss a post here or there than make a post that lacks substance. I've aloud this blog to replace my written journal. But to be honest, I'll most likely still write in both. It's fun to watch what type of subjects I feel like writing about. If I just allow my mind to wander and cater to my ability to relax, it's amazing to notice feelings that I'd never think I'd feel, and it's amazing to see the insight or opinions that I have when considering creative matters.

A peice I've written before; A view on young love

There's an unspeakable element of comfort when a man and a woman are intimate. To me, its the best part of the relationship. In a world full off addictions and relapses, this comfort, in my eyes, is the most sought after feeling or high. Knowing that your partner loves you in return can fly a man to the top of a mountain screaming his lover's name the entire flight. But when you've lost that element of comfort, what happens then?
The idea itself brings a mammoth sized cloud over my head. Whether your partner dies, or a couple just happens to break up, I believe the man is left naked in a world that had never stopped spinning. Loose footed, and temporarily unaware of what it takes to be alone in such a demanding day and age, a man can be made, or broken. Every step could be the largest mistake, but we walk the tight rope daily, wobbling to and fro to our own heart's beating drum; blissfully unaware of what the world has already started to demand from us in the "single life."
My depiction of this comfort is described easiest as the most comfortable bed a man can imagine. A bed where you can get lost in the blankets, and no matter how you move, not a limb reaches over the edge; fully supported by the a gigantic mattress and the springs that supply your bed with its own bounce and life.
I miss the fullness of that bed tremendously. It feels as though I'm sleeping on bricks with pillows that have been turned into towels due to all of the saliva they've soaked up. There is definitely a vacancy in my heart, and I've consciously made it priority number one in straightening out my mind and heart; so that i may continue to grow with a young and vibrant outlook. So that everyday is as bright and intriguing as they were when I was young.

Tonight I feel a bit animated; like I have more energy than I should at this point in the day. I was all ready to go to class, and I showed up to the building and realized that school was closed because today is Veteran's Day. The funny thing is that I knew that it was a holiday, but I didn't associate the day's significance with the schedule of my school. Either way, I send my prayers and thoughts to those who fight and serve in the U.S. military. I tip my hat to their cause, and their unwavering obedience. I've always explained that even if I could, I don't believe I'd have enough guts to be a part of the armed forces that fight for our freedoms. Though I'd like to be a pillar of good judgment and opinion as far as being a patriotic American, I've grown up being used to catering to an unspeakable respect for military personnel. My grandfather served, my uncle served, and my cousin David is serving as we speak. I may not understand what it takes to be a soldier in the United States army, but I'm well equipped when it comes to understanding the sacrifices they make and the creeds they fight for. I'm satisfied and humbled with just being a supportive patriot of the American cause. Much Repspect.

Totally Tuesday!

First off, sorry for missing entries for the past couple days, I've been pretty busy. Today I've concluded my two day community service time. I've accumulated about 16 hours at a non-profit organization that my mother works at. It's called Thornfield Hall, which is a private home for mentally challenged women. I couldn't have chosen a better place to do my volunteer time. I've taken a liking to maintenance and landscaping, it's honest work and it requires you to take a shower at the end of the day, nothing feels better.

A New Book To Read

Thanks to my CORE instructor Shelly, I have a new book to read. It's called "The Mammoth Book of Journalism." The book is composed of 101 pieces of writing from some of the finest writers the world has ever known. I'm excited for this knew reading endeavour because it's both educational and engaging; anything to expand the boarders of my journalistic knowledge. This book'll be 540 pages of good reading. Ta ta for now.

Go Yankees!

Ever since I could say the word baseball, or had enough strength to throw one, I was raised to love the New York Yankees. So it's more than pleasing to see that they've clinched their 27th championship. Living in Connecticut, there's a great mixture of fans, and it's always fun to debate. I would love to be a reporter covering the World Series. Writers get blessed with tickets to these big games and all they have to do in return is create a column or two about the games. It'd be well worth it to be able to travel and cover sporting events. I'm sure I'd enjoy traveling and writing even if it had nothing to do with sports. Hopefully there'll be a good amount of site seeing in my future career.

Getting my feet wet

I was informed today by one of my instructors that getting my form of writing out for the world to see would benefit me and my approach in the long run. Hopefully my entries will be interesting enough, and helpful to the point where I can form some sort of following. I've always been elequent and advanced when it comes to written word, and creating a daily blog will not only involve people, but keep my mind fresh. With today being the first day of my new blog here at blogger.com, I feel obligated to thank anyone and everyone who decides to read and follow my story. Maybe I can become a beacon of hope for other aspring writers, and just a friend to those who read my entries. Afterall, what is the world without communication?