Where Do I Belong? (being bi-racial)

Times have changed. But as much as they've changed, they've stayed the same. At times I'm afraid; afraid to be me. What I see in the world is frightening. And what I take away from my observations is that race matters. Often, I feel disadvantaged. I've lived with a white woman my entire life, and the older I get, the more behind the times and stranded I feel. My mother taught me to not see race as much as someone's heart and soul. It's apparent I'm flustered, stuck in a bind and searching for a place to belong. I live in a predominantly white area, and I feel like I'm losing what it is too be black. It's scary. I watch the world and feel obligated to change the way I look at people. I pray for the right answer to my problem. But what makes my questions more important than any others? Sometimes I feel disadvantaged and late when it comes to being part of a whole. I have bi-racial brothers and sisters around the world but I think this race is the most advanced when it comes to being blind of race. I only yearn to belong because I'm scared to stand alone. I don't know who to trust or what I should believe in in these times. Hardships and pressure create a man, I'm guessing, and I have no example to follow and no man to admire, which adds to my fear. A bad choice here or there can lead me down the road to self-destruction. On this matter I pray. I pray to retaliate my fear. I don't want to be racially motivated, I'm just searching for answers, searching for protection in belief. I'm afraid of my Karma. Afraid I have something waiting for me. It may seem dark of me, but I need to express it in order to keep a fresh outlook.

Late Night Entry

I've gone without cable plenty of times throughout my life. All of the times it came in an involuntary way. But one thing I've noticed while being without such a fundamental commodity is that, in my opinion, it's just as much a controlled substance as any drug. Ideas are passed down from executives to busy workers brainstorming for the most catchy and engaging ideas. And one way to recognize those people are good at their jobs is realizing how many hours one clocks into the television set. Sometimes a person could watch 5 hours of T.V. and not remember a single commercial or program. At times I find myself turned off when thinking about how ruthless the television is. Advertising majors sure make have an easy way to make their money's worth. I've caught myself daydreaming about how easily I'm handing my life over to those who are payed to make you sit down and watch something. Our nation is plagued with obesity yet we cater it due to the revenue accrued through cable initiative. The imperative thing with such a realization is will it force me to change the amount of T.V. I watch, or will it cause me to stop watching T.V. all together. In some respects, such an awareness would be futile without some type of life change or alteration concerning my T.V. usage. My response is this; being cognizant of this version of "The American Dream" (freedom of speech through the t.v.), I'm confident that I'll be able to grasp when enough is enough, and maybe limit my tube watching time. I don't think I could have such a strong and important opinion about television as this, and it not affect my life in one way or another. I'll be sure to keep a tab on it.

Proud To Be Considered Black

To everyone who acknowledges it, Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day. With his ideas of non-violent protests and righteous devotion, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. paved the way for many of the race less freedoms that black people enjoy today. I am half white and half black, but in the eyes of a politically correct society I'm black. I carry that label proudly, in hopes to one day contribute to the advancement of African American culture through higher education and a knowledgeable career. However, race is still an issue in many places throughout the world. It would be naive of me to think that racial divides don't still exist today. Gangs, hatred and violence still plague our country with race being the pillar of reasoning behind them. Without an intellectual approach to racial issues, progress in this department will be close to nil. Join many people in having an unbiased voice in racial issues so that we can continue treating men, women and children as equals.

Starting The New Year Off Right

In the first few weeks of 2010, I feel optimistic. I seem to be managing my time better than I ever have in the past. When I'm faced with a problem I feel strong enough and motivated to figure out a solution. It's a vibrant type of alertness I'm experiencing, and when you feel like I do in the early days of a new year, it rubs off on those around you. Life is what you make it; you can see the glass half full or half empty. The ironic part to that belief is that some people don't even realize why they see their cup the way they do. I say, dive into the deep ocean of self discovery and have a ball. Let the sun shine on your hopes and dreams, and when you reach dark or cold patches in the water, see if there's enough light for you to open your eyes, regardless if the water is salty. The more you discover about yourself, the more you learn about others. **God bless**

1/8/10

The book is called "Beyond Style, Mastering the Finer Points of Writing" by Gary Provost. I've decided to take notes while I read. I've realized it satisfies my hunger for advancement in writing. Today I bumped into a great new discovery. The word "problem" derives from the Greek work "proballien" which means to throw forward; meaning problems are there to provide the opportunity of advancement. If we learn to love problems instead of resisting them, we can expand the boundaries in which we live. This analogy also can pertain to barriers. If I learn to fall in love with theses two things that are universally hated, my perspective and approach towards life's hardships will leave me in the best position for progress. A perfect example is me being afraid of losing steam and ambition for school at some point down the road. If I totally accept this fear and allow it to run its course, then I will prevail with a newer and more refreshed ambition for the continuance of my education, blog entries and extra curricular reading. I know hat I'm capable of so much and doubt would be as detrimental as robbery.