Happy Holidays!

The excitement that comes with this time of year comforts me, feeling the warmth no matter where I go. It's times like these that help my views that as a people, we can be unified as one. This time of year gives people a reason to be close, festive and considerate of others. I am no exception. I give my love, blessings and thanks to all who celebrate at this point in the year. Be safe and enjoy yourself.

My Own ABCs - Self advancement

Allow yourself
Believe in something
Corner your fears
Deliver on time
Elude negative people
Fight for love
Gain self respect
Hold your dreams close
Injuries make us stronger
Judge yourself fairly
Kick bad habits
Lead by example
Move forward everyday
Notice the little things
Open your heart
Practice being personable
Quiet the ney-sayers
Remain your # 1 fan
Steal nothing
Temptation can thwart your efforts
Utilize your skills
Vanity can be deadly
Walk with your head up
Xplain yourself to those who will listen
Yesterday is gone
Zip your mouth

"In my book"

I was thinking about that saying, "in my book". Phrases such as "you're good in my book," or, "hes the best in my book." What it did was make me realize how everyone has their own perspective. Every human life and its experiences are lived and processed, therefore being written and recorded much like a book. This realization made me respect the other angle or view in any given situation. Each aspect is as unique as the DNA make-up of a person, and thus much can be learned by considering an alternative viewpoint.

12/12/09

I grab the pen and pad as a solution, as a means to defend myself. But why must I be defended? Is my sense of guilt rectified? Is it justified? If it is, then me writing is a feeble attempt to lighten or dilute God's reasoning. It truly shows how lost I am. My compass is aimless. And without direction or conviction, I feel I'm wasting time; withering away. My everyday is bumpy. I've yet to establish my will as a constant. But true and accurate establishment requires intention, and an idea of who I am and who I want to be. Being mentally ill is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I think back, and sometimes, I wonder exactly how much of my life has been effected by it. Did it cause me and Kayla to split? How have I acted towards my friends? My family? I long for comfort and reassurance. My world is frigid and unpredictable.

To Achieve Your Dreams Remember Your ABCs

I have a poster in my room, and this is what it says.

Avoid negative people, places, things and habits.
Believe in yourself.
Consider things from every angle.
Don't give up and don't give in.
Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches.
Give more than you planned to.
Hang on to your dreams.
Ignore those who try to discourage you.
Just do it.
Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier.
Love yourself first and most.
Make it happen.
Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal.
Open your eyes and see things as they really are.
Practice makes perfect.
Quitters never win, and winners never quit.
Read study and learn about everything important in your life.
Stop procrastinating.
Take control of your own destiny.
Understand yourself in order to better understand others.
Visualize it.
Want it more than anything.
Xcellerate your efforts.
You are unique of all God's creations nothing can replace you.
Zero in on your target and go for it!

12/7/09

The most apparent thing is that I'm flustered. First, I'm a bit perturbed about being on the low end of the economic ladder. I've been a member of this class for all of my life. I don't feel blame, nor do I give any to my mother. She couldn't possibly be the reason for our situation. She's done everything she can to provide me with the most impressionable and openhearted existence. She's everything to me and my struggle to keep moving forward. It's incredibly amazing to me how well she adapts to each problem or obstacle. We live hand to mouth, paycheck to paycheck, and it's been like that for as long as I can remember. And the pressure is something I've grown accustomed to. I guess being thrifty and maintaining a budget will come in handy when it comes to managing my own finances. But what's crazy is that I've been thrown into the jowls of the already failing system. I applied for Social Security Income and got denied. Surprisingly, I was hurt. But my mother reassured me that that's how the process of filing for anything federal seems to go. I was then obligated to file an appeal. The notice of denial actually made me want to leave EastConn and start working full time. But then I realized I need to finish getting my diploma. It's so hard expressing myself while having this large portion of my recent history thwarted by illusions and ideas that would only thrive in science fiction novels. I'm still unsure about how long my mental episodes went on for.One of the hardest things for me is not being able to explain what happened to me. In some respects, I'm lifeless; lacking the ability to remember anything about that section of my life. That's one of the many good reasons my mother is my mother. She's my conservator, which means she's in charge of my finances until I'm sure that I can handle it on my own. For those who don't know, I was diagnosed with a mood and thought disorder. I am living with anxiety and a controlled case of schizophrenia. What I hope is that through all of my struggles, I'm able to find some sense of creative individuality. I want to harvest my uniqueness and use that as a base to live and prosper from. I know I have so many blessings and things that I could share with the world. I only hope that my will and ambition will be in sync for when my stage is set. I lose focus and it get's on my nerves how sloppy my brain gets. Reading and writing should help to sharpen my mind and mental conception.

True Friends

I've heard when a person is around my age (21), this is the time that you realize and find out who your true friends are. If that's the basis for observation, then I've realized that, as sociable as I was in high school, I only have 1 or 2 true friends. It's actually been amazing to see how quickly I've been forgotten or been set aside as an acquaintance. In any case, I intend to not only notice, but take advantage of the friendships that I have, and try to cater to them so that their full potential can be reached. I've been told that friends are hidden treasures.