Where Do I Belong? (being bi-racial)

Times have changed. But as much as they've changed, they've stayed the same. At times I'm afraid; afraid to be me. What I see in the world is frightening. And what I take away from my observations is that race matters. Often, I feel disadvantaged. I've lived with a white woman my entire life, and the older I get, the more behind the times and stranded I feel. My mother taught me to not see race as much as someone's heart and soul. It's apparent I'm flustered, stuck in a bind and searching for a place to belong. I live in a predominantly white area, and I feel like I'm losing what it is too be black. It's scary. I watch the world and feel obligated to change the way I look at people. I pray for the right answer to my problem. But what makes my questions more important than any others? Sometimes I feel disadvantaged and late when it comes to being part of a whole. I have bi-racial brothers and sisters around the world but I think this race is the most advanced when it comes to being blind of race. I only yearn to belong because I'm scared to stand alone. I don't know who to trust or what I should believe in in these times. Hardships and pressure create a man, I'm guessing, and I have no example to follow and no man to admire, which adds to my fear. A bad choice here or there can lead me down the road to self-destruction. On this matter I pray. I pray to retaliate my fear. I don't want to be racially motivated, I'm just searching for answers, searching for protection in belief. I'm afraid of my Karma. Afraid I have something waiting for me. It may seem dark of me, but I need to express it in order to keep a fresh outlook.